`You deserve more.`

 

More.  One word that could mean so much.  It could mean quantity.  It could mean quality.  It could mean superiority.  It could mean anything.

 

But what did it mean to me?

 

`You deserve more.`  Those were the words that haunted me now.  I`d tried for more.  I`d tried for quantity and quality, and had failed.  Oh, don`t get me wrong.  Peter was all that I was looking for in a companion.  Attentive, loyal, gorgeous, adventurous, strong, gentle.  I could go on, but that`s not the point.  I`d tried for more with Peter, and hadn`t found it.

 

He`d given me more than I`d had before.  More attention, more conversation, more time.  More of everything I thought I was after.  But the one thing he hadn`t given me was the one thing that I needed more of.  And it was something that he could not give me, no matter how hard he tried.

 

Because it wasn`t his to give. 

 

`You deserve more.`  Those three words that I misinterpreted.  I thought I was telling myself that I deserved someone else, someone who could give me what he couldn`t.  Someone like Peter. But that wasn`t what I was saying. 

 

`You deserve more.`  Three words that were so easy to say, yet to hard to understand.  My `more` was not Peter, it wasn`t anyone else.  It was Him.  It was more of him.  Not just his loyalty, his silent devotion.  It was all of him.

 

`I deserve more.`  I said out loud, to Him.  He looked at me, his brown eyes solemn in his weathered face.  `I want more.  But he wasn`t what I wanted or needed.`  He blinked, unmoving.  I swallowed and finished what I wanted, no what I had to tell him.  `Our careers are important to us, but my life, my heart is more so.  We have to figure this out before there is nothing left for either of us.`

 

He was silent for a long time, staring past me towards my house, towards the empty bedroom and empty life that I had created waiting.  Then he nodded and took my elbow, guiding me back towards the warmth of the entry way.

 

`You`re right.`  He said softly before closing the door on the outside world.

 

`You deserve more.`  And this time, I intended to get it.

 

-fin-

 

Stargate SG-1 Fanfiction