`You deserve more.`
More. One word that could mean so much. It could mean quantity. It could mean quality. It could mean superiority. It could mean anything.
But what did it mean to me?
`You deserve more.` Those were the words that haunted me now. I`d tried for more. I`d tried for quantity and quality, and had failed. Oh, don`t get me wrong. Peter was all that I was looking for in a companion. Attentive, loyal, gorgeous, adventurous, strong, gentle. I could go on, but that`s not the point. I`d tried for more with Peter, and hadn`t found it.
He`d given me more than I`d had before. More attention, more conversation, more time. More of everything I thought I was after. But the one thing he hadn`t given me was the one thing that I needed more of. And it was something that he could not give me, no matter how hard he tried.
Because it wasn`t his to give.
`You deserve more.` Those three words that I misinterpreted. I thought I was telling myself that I deserved someone else, someone who could give me what he couldn`t. Someone like Peter. But that wasn`t what I was saying.
`You deserve more.` Three words that were so easy to say, yet to hard to understand. My `more` was not Peter, it wasn`t anyone else. It was Him. It was more of him. Not just his loyalty, his silent devotion. It was all of him.
`I deserve more.` I said out loud, to Him. He looked at me, his brown eyes solemn in his weathered face. `I want more. But he wasn`t what I wanted or needed.` He blinked, unmoving. I swallowed and finished what I wanted, no what I had to tell him. `Our careers are important to us, but my life, my heart is more so. We have to figure this out before there is nothing left for either of us.`
He was silent for a long time, staring past me towards my house, towards the empty bedroom and empty life that I had created waiting. Then he nodded and took my elbow, guiding me back towards the warmth of the entry way.
`You`re right.` He said softly before closing the door on the outside world.
`You deserve more.` And this time, I intended to get it.
Stargate SG-1 Fanfiction